of scars and monsoon rains.

it's interesting how life can radically change with the course of one single event. one gust of wind, one word said, one misguided step, one ignorant decision. sudden, and often unexpected consequences lead to the formation of lacerations, deep rooted in the hearts and flesh of men, constant reminders of the way life used to be. the joys and intimately beautiful moments before it all happened. before the whispers commenced, before the weapon detonated, before the fear of death, the end of life was threatened, before the cloud of smoke swirled about, enclosing me in a mysterious, hazy darkness. before it all. there was life. there was humanity. now the scabs, initiating their hesitant affair of healing, consistently aggravate my skin, leaving me exasperated. i sit in self-loathing, stubbornly incapable of scratching at the crusted raw skin, wanting to relieve the pain, to assuage the aching that seems to pulse through my whole being. yet, rationality gently mutters her bitter-sweet spell into my reluctant ears. with surrender comes the possibility of re-opening the wounds, welcoming prolonged recovery, the chance of further infection. so i sit. in a place of tension. ready to reconcile my wounds, yet yearning to alleviate the discomfort. i've heard that persistence and determination invite the presence of scars. physical manifestations of the abrasions that had once held the soul captive. they appear in varying degrees and intensities, depending on the process of reparation. some are more apparent than others, the skin darkened and raised slightly. these particular stigmata verify the arduous healing expedition, still visible to the naked eye, yet restored, as much as such a wound can so be restored.

i have an inkling that my scar will be of the sort, that is when the means of healing culminate. it will constantly serve as a reminder of what has come to pass. and perhaps over time the discoloration will fade, the skin will smooth over, leaving only a faint trace.

for now i remain in the dark shadow of a desert monsoon cloud, the sun struggling to burst forth behind me. eventually pain will give way to understanding, and life will once again flaunt her brilliant radiance. until then, here's to the journey.